Be Yourself, Or At Least One of Them

As I've mentioned before, I strongly believe we all play different roles in our daily lives. We seamlessly switch from one version of ourselves to another, utilizing the "self" that best fits the task at hand. Outgoing friend wants to hang out? Here comes Outgoing Tanner. School? Here comes Semi-Sarcastic, Mostly Apathetic, Slightly Depressed Tanner. When I try to think about who I really am, what it really means to be myself, I usually imagine the version of me that I admire at the time. Which changes. If I value "fun", I imagine that the self I want to show everyone is Outgoing Tanner. If I value "intellect", I choose School Tanner, although that one has become a rowdy little biotch lately who just gives no sharts about anything and would rather sit at home all day doing nothing than... well, do anything. Especially school. So what does it mean to be yourself? Is it short for, be the you you want to be at the moment? Because I'm seriously confused. I act different around a certain few people, and they would never know it because they only see that self. I'll find myself consciously saying and doing things out of my character, typically to either please them, or appease them (if they are scary people who take offense to everything)

Why can't I just be the all-encompassing awesome Tanner I know is in there somewhere when I feel like it. I want to just channel what "Myself" is, the true "Myself"; not the one that acts a certain way to get what he wants, like all my other selves. The one that has all the traits I value and is pretty roundabout efficient in social situations, and doesn't require a stimulant to succeed at everything. I guess asking questions is a step on the way to figuring just who the heck I am, which is the ultimate goal, but I usually just end up getting wrapped up in newer, more complex questions and find myself farther away from any answers. Life is confusing, and even more than that, it's exhausting. Something is always nagging on you, and if nothing is actually nagging on you, it's like you make your own problems. I look for things to whine about. Am I really that self-deprecatory, or is hating things just a crappy habit I've picked up. This apathy is also killing, but I will persevere at least until graduation. I hope that college has Self-Discovery 101 because I'ma need it.