Re-Entering the Real World

So I'm trying to take steps to re-entering the real world. Of course, I'll never know when my Elsa phase is truly over until long after (hence the title of this blog) and I might honestly miss it. Having so much time to myself have been so freeing, and it saddens me to know that life's obligations, usually things you have literally no control over, are going to steal away any form of contentment you can muster up. If I don't return, I will be perceived as insensitive, but ultimately I think I'll be less happy to return. The world is not a good place to undergo any sort of personal changes, because they WILL affect others and reflect negatively back on you. This is sad, that I must throw away where I found comfort in order to return, only to satisfy others?

Sacrifice, sacrifice, I know. Everyone loves to talk about how you should always put others before yourself, but sometimes, I JUST WANT TO DO THINGS FOR ME. And I don't honestly care if that's "selfish," because everyone is selfish. There are a million things during the day that you could do to help others, and by failing to do them, we are all being selfish. As generalized and far-fetched as I made that sound, there must be some truth to it, or I wouldn't feel so insanely in the right. But, all fun rides have an end, and I just hope the picture taken of me comes out okay. I have a feeling it won't, but I won't know until later, when people are comfortable enough with me again to tell me what they think.

And for what am I doing this? I'm not sure. To leave a good reputation when I'm gone? I'll be gone, why do I care? I'm leaving so that I won't have to bother with reputation at all, so why do I care so damn much? I never have any idea about anything lately. It isn't until later, as per the theme of my life, that I notice how stupid my decisions were. I want to be able to look back a few months into my past, at any point in my life, and be satisfied, but it is so rare for me to be proud of who I have been.

And that, children, is sad. 

Which College?

So, I was accepted to the University of Georgia a while back, under an intended theatre major. However, upon closer inspection, I'm starting to worry that the theatre program at UGA is too general. When I was college hunting initially, I searched for Georgia colleges that offered Dramatic Writing degrees specifically, since I want to write, and not act. I'm worried that it is a little late to start re-thinking something like this, and I wish it had dawned on me sooner, but I honestly should have applied to SCAD despite how expensive it was.

People always talk about students making late college plans, and I wondered how that was possible when everything was so accessible back in October. Now, I think I know that students do this kind of thing late because they undergo this weird "I'm graduating, what do I REALLY want to do?" phase. We, as beings who enjoy stability, cannot blindly go to a nice college, and tell ourselves we will figure things out when we get there. We have to enter with some semblance of a plan, and my plan to pursue dramatic writing might be quashed if I go to UGA. I will be able to take the courses, but there don't appear to be many, and I do not want to be bogged down working in a field I enjoy, but STILL not focusing on my career (a la, a more colorful, theatre-filled repeat of high school).

I don't know if it is too late to start looking again, but it probably doesn't matter. SCAD and Emory, my original two choices, are the only Georgia schools I can find that offer specialized degrees in playwriting. A side of me refuses to accept the fact that I will just go to UGA, studying theatre generally without having what I WANT to be talented in expanded on, but some other terrifying monster of apathy is telling me just to go with it, and I'm afraid that as I grow older, I listen to this "do-nothing" attitude voice too often. I need to start being active in my life, which sounds like I'm trying to justify not attending a college I know wants me there, but... I don't know, something feels wrong about all of this. I will see, I suppose. Maybe I'll consult school guidance.