I've decided to stop worrying about all the "Selves" people can be, because its obviously natural and normal to experience such a confusing disarray of personality if everyone is doing it. I'm just going to go on assuming that the only reason no one cares and it doesn't affect them is that no one bothers to think about it, which is such a good idea. But new concepts have a way of invading your every thought once they've finally popped into being, and I'll never get away, but maybe I can convince myself I don't care. Anyways, to the topic of today:
The future is an interesting paradox. It is something that encompasses our entire being, a constant, ambiguous goal that we are always working toward, yet pay very little attention to. Or, even if we pay attention, we haven't been there and seen what it will be like, so all we can do is assume a bunch, try to train ourselves to be prepared, and hope for the best. Ever since I decided I wanted to be in chorus, I guess it was kind of set in stone that music would have SOMETHING to do with my future. I sent it to the back-burner after my first musical, deciding that acting was a better choice. So far, I have no security ahead of me, but I'm a child and I need to have dreams, it doesn't matter whether that these dreams might not come true. It was far ahead of me, so I didn't care too much. I knew I'd have to work hard to be successful in either music or theatre, but again, the time in which I would be faced with doing such hard work was so far ahead of me that it didn't seem to matter. Eventually, I took to writing. Now I was really confused, and after middle school and the beginning of high school, I just kind of mashed them altogether and decided I would write musicals. Why the heck not? I still had a few years to learn how, and college would send me into the real world completely ready for everything, right?
Well, now I'm not so sure. Of course the concept of music, plays, novels, composition, acting, and all the things related to creating musicals are deeply interesting. However, the execution of one big body of work incorporating all these concepts... will I ever finish one? And then, will it be good? And even if it is good to me, will people buy in on it? And even if people buy in on it, will everyone who needs to buy in on it to ensure profit and recognition BUY IN ON IT? Who knows? I say that I love to write, but I never do it. I try to sit there and hash out ideas, but I find myself constantly coming up with new vague concepts, starting them, and then throwing them out. The process could take months, just for the idea to be put on hold indefinitely. Is this what I want to do for a living, or what I want to want to do? Here comes the title:
I need a prophet to come out and give me a hazy vision of the future. Where, generally, will I be, and what will I be doing? Who knows? So if you're out there, gimme a call. We all worry about our futures, and isn't it so interesting that most of that worry is derived from our personal abilities? A myriad of outside circumstances could derail my future, even if I turn out to be a great composer/writer, but those things aren't important or worrying to me. I only care about whether I have the ability. Why? Maybe because these are the only things we can change? Then why do I do nothing to help myself? Why do we push the future even farther ahead of us, giving us the illusion that it will never come? It's always right around the corner, but how do I prepare for it? Should I write more? I just don't know. Can creativity be forced? I don't know. Oh well. Our futures are all unknown, and I guess that's what makes life exciting. But it would totally suck if the one thing I feel I can do, that gives me so many sensations of excitement and child-like wonder, turns out to be false.
